Punmaster Gifts

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

"Papi, I cut my finger."

Knight Of The Garter

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

I will study my speling words...

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

Sweep the board.

"Bed Spread"

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Scotch and water musick."

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

Dogs life

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'