Punmaster Pillows

"Papi, I cut my finger."

Knight Of The Garter

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

I will study my speling words...

Intelligent people laugh too!

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

"Bed Spread"

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

Sweep the board.

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

"Just for the heck of it, how do you plead?"

"Petting zoo" "Heavy petting zoo"

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

"Scotch and water musick."

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'Do you know how fast you were going?'

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'