Pun Master Pillows

"Yeah, I've been in rehub."

"What can I say? I was an English major."

"I see you've come prepared for an in-depth interview."

"One of the failed candidates for the copywriters job wants to know 'wart was rong with his applicashun?'"

'How are we supposed to show any creativity when they've already made up their minds how these words are spelled?'

'You know, that's a TYPO.'

"You still haven't finished your essay?"

'But there's not enough space for Thou shalt not wear socks with sandals.'

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

"Hey, Sisyphus, when you've got a minute I'd like to discuss this progress report with you."

Biology Laboratory: No Cellfies

"You look like you're dragging a little today." "How could you tell?"

"You say 'oxymoron' once more and there's going to be trouble."

"Ears! I said, 'Lend me your EARS!'"

"Bills! Bills! Bills! They never end!"

Lines - "It's all Greek to me....."

Golfer wears 'How's my driving?' t-shirt.

"...Officer, take him to Buckingham Palace."

"My dad says atoms are liars. They make up everything."

Larry grew a unibrowser.

"Oh no, we've got headbangers moving in upstairs!"

'I'm really going to have to work harder at school - I couldn't read any of it in there!'

"I like my World History teacher. If I get a 'C,' he calls it 'trying hard.' If I get a 'B,' he calls it 'studying hard'."

"Dude, I literally scared the Dickens right out of you!! I don't care who you are, that's funny right there!!"

'There HAS been a merger, but it's NOT the one I'd hoped for.'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"Ugh! Moving all our data to the cloud was a smart move, but I've had to hear that stupid pun all week!"

'When you said you would foot the bil for me, I had no idea...'

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

"Poor Sadie, this Pesach she finally cracked."

I downloaded the report from the internet, but stapled it myself.

'It's his appendix. I'm afraid we'll have to edit.'

Sound Bites

"I'm ready to get busy."

"I always tend to follow my nose."