Pun Master Pillows

"Yeah, I've been in rehub."

"What can I say? I was an English major."

"I see you've come prepared for an in-depth interview."

'How are we supposed to show any creativity when they've already made up their minds how these words are spelled?'

"One of the failed candidates for the copywriters job wants to know 'wart was rong with his applicashun?'"

'You know, that's a TYPO.'

"You still haven't finished your essay?"

'But there's not enough space for Thou shalt not wear socks with sandals.'

Apex Dictionaries Co - sign reads: Clowsed,bak at too.

"Hey, Sisyphus, when you've got a minute I'd like to discuss this progress report with you."

Biology Laboratory: No Cellfies

"You say 'oxymoron' once more and there's going to be trouble."

"Ears! I said, 'Lend me your EARS!'"

"Bills! Bills! Bills! They never end!"

Sound Bites

"Oh no, we've got headbangers moving in upstairs!"

Lines - "It's all Greek to me....."

"...Officer, take him to Buckingham Palace."

I downloaded the report from the internet, but stapled it myself.

'There HAS been a merger, but it's NOT the one I'd hoped for.'

"I'm ready to get busy."

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

"Ugh! Moving all our data to the cloud was a smart move, but I've had to hear that stupid pun all week!"

'I'm really going to have to work harder at school - I couldn't read any of it in there!'

'It's his appendix. I'm afraid we'll have to edit.'

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

"I like my World History teacher. If I get a 'C,' he calls it 'trying hard.' If I get a 'B,' he calls it 'studying hard'."

"Dude, I literally scared the Dickens right out of you!! I don't care who you are, that's funny right there!!"

"My dad says atoms are liars. They make up everything."

Larry grew a unibrowser.

"Poor Sadie, this Pesach she finally cracked."

Bomb Pronouns

"Mr. Peanut is my dad—you can call me Rick."

"Dogs are men."

Bills Outstanding