Puncture Survivor Pillows

Carrying a bike over drawing pins.

Barbeque Casualty.

Piano and Pianist with broken legs.

Gary turns 40.

'See? The idiots put my danged knee replacement in backward!'

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

'Time for your pills.'

The Dangers of Not Getting Enough Sleep...

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

'You have an 85% chance of surviving this and 20% chance of wishing you hadn't.'

"I see you do all your own stunts."

"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."

"I can't believe it! In all my years in corporate business, yours must be the worst case of paper cuts I have ever seen."

Sporting maladies.

B.O.H.I.C.A. Memorial

'You've got a broken finger.'

'...And in case of program crashes, this model comes fully equipped with an air bag!'

'Bloody plaster of Paris.'

"The surgery went well. You'll be issued a 'Contains No Nuts' card upon discharge."

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

"I'm going to have to make this quick, God. I just ask that you watch over me during my double knee replacement tomorrow."

'His mother wants to know if you'll give him a haircut after you remove his tonsils.'

"I admit - as papercuts go it's quite a serious one."

'The hospital food was terrible, but the savings were substantial.'

New You Plastic Surgery. That's right, doctor, I gave her the bill and her nose went right out of joint again.

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. The anesthesiologist is on vacation."

"Hey, I'm just happy the transplant worked at all."

Medical Treatment.

'I'll soon have you in stitches but it's no laughing matter.'

'Gee!'

'It's an old baseball injury.'

"You owe your life to that dog. He pulled you to safety. Unfortunately, there's still no sign of the dog ??" or your arm."

'Never accuse me of not lending a hand. I've just sewn your bicycle patch on.'

'I'll be able to play the piano in 2 days? Well I couldn't before the accident!'