Puncture Enthusiast Pillows

'-it was an attractive young lady collecting for the new acupuncture Unit.'

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Teenagers!'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

How The Sausage Is Eaten

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

'Ouwth! Bid my tong!'

Vampire coming out of a body piercing shop with a stake in his heart

Hamlet in the craft shop.

'It started with a kiss - then their nose rings got locked.'

"Okay, quote me. I'm on the record."

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

James's Mayfair Gym - Punting Machine.

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

'Clarice, you know our rule. You cannot date anyone who has...'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Self Raising Flour

'At first his nose ring irritated me, but then I made him tie a string to it. Now I can lead him around.'

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

"I'll pencil you in for recess."

Orange navel has ring

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

"We should have taken a eweber."

Man reading on top of giant pencil being carried by others.

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

A lumberjack leans against a giant pencil that reads "Giant Sequoia Brand No .2".

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'I don't care if your friends all did it too - you look like an idiot!'

'I told you to be careful near my piercings, Gavin - they're not beer can ring pulls, you know!'

Small Business Loan of Pencils