Puncture Repair Pro Pillows

'Never accuse me of not lending a hand. I've just sewn your bicycle patch on.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

Best Before 5th Pint.

The Small Business Advisor: 'The first bit of advice I'd give you for your garage start-up is to tell your dad'

'I got fired, Amy... I hate it when that happens!'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

A Tongue Stud.

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

Bob's DIY Store

A man with a deflated bicycle stands in line at the tire inflator.

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

"So that's how you fixed things before there was Duct tape."

'We could have saved an awful lot of bother and just given him a shot a hole.'

Carrying a bike over drawing pins.

Holes in pots, cigars and the road.

Master Plumber

'Duct tape.'

"Thanks for helping us put up the shelf, 'Utility Belt Man'."

Tree piercings.

'I was let down by the old bouncy castle.'

Using a sink plunger to retrieve a golf ball.

Dude, it's cool that you rebel by wearing a nose-ring, but if I were to do that, I would look just like my dad...

'How may I hurt you?'

Fakir Repairs

'Be reasonable Madam - I can't get it repaired by the time your husband gets home tonight...'

"I've got a punture in the back wheel." "Just raise the saddle up."

'... and to think this is the same kid who was terrified of getting a shot at the doctor.'

"Well, it's not my fault you decided to get a body piercing in the area. Now, get undressed and go through the scanner again."