Pun-loving Gambler Pillows

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"You must be cheating - no one's that lucky!"

Do it yourself books.

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

ACE Roofing: Our Minds Are Always In The Gutter!

Cat punishement.

Dogs playing strip poker.

'You precisely said 'straight over at the roundabout'. You didn't say anything about going around it.'

'At least it's a dry heat'

"Nails? - Certainly sir. How long do you want them. . . ?"

Just in: Condolence cards for the small investor.

'I'll raise you, Lazarus . . . '

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'Phht! This activist judge wont throw the book at him. He just tosses it underhand.'

'I know it's a long shot but wouldn't it be worth hanging on until after the wednesday lottery draw?'

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

Billy strip: dad doesn't get to shuffle the horses.

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

'You want to see a lawyer? No problem — he's a lawyer.'

"I'd like 13,983,816 lottery tickets please..."

'I like it!'

'If you commit a crime when you're slow as molasses & leave a trail of slime you're going to do some time.'

'No, I DON'T want to make a side bet on the spelling test!'

Hamster Cello tape.

'Dude! You got the needle! Freakin' A that's cool, those things are wickedly hard to find!'

"Do all your casinos have these?"

Cabby and facetious fare

"Wow, Tia Carmen! This is a big shrine!"

"Here's that lottery ticket I told you about! I matched all but five numbers! And I bought it on Thursday instead of Tuesday! Other than that, I would have won!"

"And it turned out that the e-mail I binned really was from a Nigerian oil millionaire wanting to give me ?200 million."

What are you doing? I'm letting double glazing chat to free holidays.