Laughing Gambler Pillows

Billy strip: dad doesn't get to shuffle the horses.

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

December 26 - Vegas, office (post) Christmas party.

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'Our ceiling is under repair--sorry.'

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

Man sees sign on betting shop door listing odds on when the proprietor will come back from lunch.

Mary's Botox injections paid for themselves in no time.

'The cat does like having something to scratch.'

'Twas the night after Christmas.

Vending machines at work: Snacks, Coffee, Glimmer of Hope

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

'Psst. I got a powerful feeling Jimbo has a full house.'

'I'm not sure, but I think illegal gambling is when you WIN.'

A child pulls the lever of a machine that is combination of both a slot machine and a gumball machine.

"How long have you been wasting our money on lottery tickets?"

'I know it's a long shot but wouldn't it be worth hanging on until after the wednesday lottery draw?'

"I'd like 13,983,816 lottery tickets please..."

'I like being last in line. That way, I'm the last fool to part with his money.'

'No, I DON'T want to make a side bet on the spelling test!'

Fruit machine...

Cabby and facetious fare

"Do all your casinos have these?"

"Here's that lottery ticket I told you about! I matched all but five numbers! And I bought it on Thursday instead of Tuesday! Other than that, I would have won!"

"Wow, Tia Carmen! This is a big shrine!"

"And it turned out that the e-mail I binned really was from a Nigerian oil millionaire wanting to give me ?200 million."

'Excuse me, but do you have any 'Play in one more poker tournament and you're a dead man' cards?'

'I had a bad day at the bookies-and you?'

Clancy: Women and Horse-Racing

Paramutual friends.