Gambler With A Giggle Pillows

'Psst. I got a powerful feeling Jimbo has a full house.'

'I don't like to take chances.'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Not you. Your hair.

"Better luck next time, kid."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'It was this big. I swear'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

Worm Bed

"Have you been scratching this?"

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'I can't pronounce either his name or the out-sourced country where he works.'

"I'll see your two and raise you three."

Blackjack: free lemonade!

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

Unnatural Selection.

Solitaire card shark.

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Monkey casino study.

"Next time your virtual fish dies, please don't try flushing your computer down the toilet."

"He's in a high stake poker game right now."

"That's okay, I lost my wife years ago. Worst poker hand I ever played."

'I think I'll raise.'