Gambler Giggler Pillows

'When you said Bob acts like a little baby when he loses a hand, you weren't kidding.'

'I don't like to take chances.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

Get on with it!

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

Fancy a pint?

'It was this big. I swear'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

Worm Bed

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

"Have you been scratching this?"

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

'Hey, that's a bad roll. Let's try that again.'

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'