Gambler Giggler Pillows

'When you said Bob acts like a little baby when he loses a hand, you weren't kidding.'

'I don't like to take chances.'

Not you. Your hair.

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

Get on with it!

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

'In the 20 minutes it took for the pit boss to come back with a comp for the $10 buffet, I lost another $500.'

Fancy a pint?

'You can come out, Marmaduke. I was just kidding about putting lipstick on you.'

'This could be me and you, your honor. Heading for Las Vegas!'

"I'll see your Sirloin and raise you a New York Strip."

'It was this big. I swear'

'What's the point of a bookmakers if there's nowhere left that sells books?'

"Have you been scratching this?"

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'My wife encourages this. She thinks I'm playing the Russian version.'

"You can get good cards but still have terrible luck."

'He's wearing a toupee.'

"I'd like me first word to be profound, but I'll probably panic and blurt out 'Mama' like every other baby."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Worm Bed

'Why do you always win at cards but not horses? I can't shuffle the horses.'

"And for only $19.99 I can give you my super bowl pick."

'Frank has won 20 hands in a row. I'm beginning to think that's not him, but rather a robot with a poker computer installed.'

'Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, feel sorry for the people who have to work with you.'

Blackjack: free lemonade!

Solitaire card shark.

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

'Sunglasses? Silly hats? Face cards?'