Gambling Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"100 to 1 I don't last the course!"

British savings accounts

America's Funniest Interest Rate Hikes

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"You have to declare what you rob from the rich, but you can deduct what you give to the poor."

'He wrote a whole book on how to play a slot machine. I'm anxious for his next one: How to Set an Alarm Clock.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Out of control

'Our fund lost millions, but the good news is our management fees are not based on performance.'

Bank notes coming out of a safe.

"Oh, I almost forgot: This time, if you have a good hand, don’t say, 'Meowee!'"

'We stopped to smell the darn roses here!'

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"How much do I need? How much you got?"

"I'm afraid with your income I couldn't possibly approve a loan of that size. Would you like a list of our approved loan sharks?"

Budget Cuts

"I see you have the latest in accounting software."

-Psst! Back me in the 4:30! -Oh! -Surprised I can talk, huh? -No, surprised you think you can win!

'The market dropped on the news some IRS refund checks said 'do not cash until next Friday'.'

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

"Oh boy! I've won the- "

'You won't feel a thing. We make a small incision in your wallet and...'

A man notices the Chase logo has turned into snakes eating themselves."

'Please remember that these figures could be off by as much as two dollars.'

"I don't recall ever hearing the stockholders speak with such a unified voice as they did today!"

"Your condition appears to have deteriorated considerably since your last cheque bounced."

"He's been up all night and fell asleep at the wheel."

'Business is very good. We'll soon be moving to smaller premises.'

'I'm just finishing denying the rumors of our impending bankruptcy to the press. Got those bankruptcy papers ready?'

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

'I'll see your dirty laundry, and raise you six children.'

'...and then you smile and say...all together now...'that's not deductible.'.'

"Pour yourself a drink - the news isn't too good"