Gambling Humor Collector Pillows

Fruit machine...

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

"Eat me"

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

Cake Free Zone

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Vegetarian Birds

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I've just discovered that one of my ancestors was a Security Goose for the Roman Army...'

"Fantastic! Do you realize what we've just stumbled upon? It's the fabled Lost Glove Compartment of the Ancient Astronauts!"

A watch face with Stonehenge

The Tale of the Tape of the Tail.

Man falls in water Title: 'Willis was always an overachiever.'

Whatís that, boy? Youíre too tired for a walk and you just want to watch TV?

Clown to clown on unicycle: 'How does it corner?'

"Guide to physical comedy fish"

'Productivity is up. Lay off a couple of more employees.'

'Forget worms. Think fast food.'

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

Bathroom Fairy