Gambling Humor Fan Pillows

"My new year resolutions were to continue eating, drinking, smoking and gambling...and I've stuck to all of them!"

'Now that I have your attention...'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

Loan Alley

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

The deadly sport of cobra staring contests.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

The Snooze Bar.

Beer Parasol.

Jumping Wall Street.

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

Bingo! Credit card number!! The real reason raccoons like garbage.

No, I don

tRUMp, Pirate President

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

The bird feeder.

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Mom, are you sure I'm not adopted?"

"It worked as you said Mum! I yelled 'LICE' as soon as the lion approached and he stopped in his tracks to scratch his mane while I escaped!"

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

'It will be a difficult adjustment, but it doesn't mean you can't still live a full and rewarding life, say, in the library, or even a miniature golf course.'

"Fish finder."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation