Pun-loving Card Players Gifts

"Look out - there's a man with a club behind you."

"Steady. This is going to be so sweet."

'You'll be getting $5,000 worth of doggy treats this week. If your owner sees the charge on his credit card, you don't know me.'

'You may be a jolly happy soul Frosty, but you stink at poker!'

'Did you get the hit man Frankie?'

Tips on how to reduce those unsightly crow's feet.

"Cheater!"

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

'The only thing I don't like about playing solitaire on the computer is you can't peek under the cards.'

Poker Moms

Whack the author.

Grimace

"It's unrealistic for us to have a chimney, tree, or stockings, so you can forget about Santa."

Cat punishement.

Dogs playing strip poker.

'I'll raise you, Lazarus . . . '

'I was hurt in a boating accident. I tripped over a rack of oars at a sporting goods store.'

"We plead insanity, You Honor, due to a severe Multiple Personality Disorder."

'I actually make a lot more money as a bookmaker than I ever did as a race horse...'

'Really? - The Agent Orange?'

"Yep, that's a new sign: I've just finished my law-degree..."

You gotta be pretty old to have nose hairs that long.

Bank manager standing in front of safe has combination written on his hand

"Psst - wanna buy some catnip...?"

Hamster Cello tape.

"Sure, I can give you a group discount for neutering both of them."

Prison Escape Plot

Court. Wanting to be "the best me I can be" is no excuse for identity theft!

"Well this is awkward!"

'When the judge gave me a suspended sentence, I thought he meant...'

'The sign outside says this is a second-hand store...'

'You seem certain he'll win the second race. Yes, because he's in the first race.'

The lesser known town of Butt Montana.