Pun-loving Pals Gifts

The lesser known town of Butt Montana.

'I was hurt in a boating accident. I tripped over a rack of oars at a sporting goods store.'

"Yep, that's a new sign: I've just finished my law-degree..."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

"You keep fumblin' with that bra, Cowboy, and you're never gettin' to second base."

Imported Candy. "Chocolate Australian Bears"? Yes --- "Coca-Koalas"!

Love is Blind.

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"Yeah, that's right. I'm the sandman. Where did you think I was getting my sand all these years?"

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

Pinocchio Vs. Dracula

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

It says they're 120 million years old, enjoyed long walks along the tar pit, and loved nibbling on rodents together. Carbon-dating.com

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

"Frankly, we’re concerned about your checkered past."

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

SPOONING CACTI

The Mummy's Purse...