Pugilist Philosopher Gifts

Your opponent didn't show --- Don't beat yourself up over it!

"Father, don't offend me. I don't need the extreme unction."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Well, why isn't there a paperweight class?'

'We've exhausted diplomacy and sanctions have had no effect. ... You have no choice but to get out there and beat the living daylights out of him.'

"So, what are you reading?"

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

'This should soothe any hurt feelings.'

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

'Work the jab! Move your feet! Attack, attack, attack! ...But be careful. He's got a human shield.'

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

Boxer's Hair Styles.

'Did I ever break my nose? No. Three of my opponents did that for me...'

Bipartisan means when both political parties agree on something. Bipartisan agreements are now on the endangered species list.

'I know I can count on you... that's the problem.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'Such petulance!'

'Darling. Let's get the Gustavssons over this weekend for some more bare knuckle boxing.'

"It's not about win or lose. It's about how much money I'm going to make."

"...and forget your damn sensitivity training."

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

'I don't think his fists can take much more of the punishment your head's inflicting on them.'

'Look out for his low punches.'

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

'Let him go.' - 'No, he'll hit me again.'

A boxer uses a punching bag while he has broken legs.

Wordplay: Shock Absorber.

Shadow Punch

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

'I don't understand - he's just as strong as ever.'

'You sure this is allowed?.'

"Er, no. He's out at the moment."