Pacifist Pugilist Gifts

'Now I want a good clean fight!'

Conscientious objection.

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

Non-violent Western (Cowboys with water pistols).

"So, what are you reading?"

He's slow and can't see out of one eye, but watch out for his left hook.

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'This should soothe any hurt feelings.'

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

'Work the jab! Move your feet! Attack, attack, attack! ...But be careful. He's got a human shield.'

'A lot of successful politicians opposed the Vietnam war, Senator, but if you were actually a MEMBER of the Viet Cong....'

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

Bipartisan means when both political parties agree on something. Bipartisan agreements are now on the endangered species list.

"Hey guys, I don't want to worry you, but..."

Global warming.

'I know I can count on you... that's the problem.'

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

"...and forget your damn sensitivity training."

'I don't think his fists can take much more of the punishment your head's inflicting on them.'

"It's not about win or lose. It's about how much money I'm going to make."

'Darling. Let's get the Gustavssons over this weekend for some more bare knuckle boxing.'

'Such petulance!'

'Let him go.' - 'No, he'll hit me again.'

Wordplay: Shock Absorber.

'You sure this is allowed?.'

Shadow Punch

No WAR!

The less evolved forms of man are ashamed to be associated with a soldier.

Animals watching peaceful dove on TV, humans watching explosions and violence.

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

A baby puts the fuse of a bomb out with its bottle.

"You'd better cool it. Remember what he did to you last time."

Gun with an olive branch on it.

'I don't understand - he's just as strong as ever.'