Pugilist Philosopher Pillows

"Father, don't offend me. I don't need the extreme unction."

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Well, why isn't there a paperweight class?'

'We've exhausted diplomacy and sanctions have had no effect. ... You have no choice but to get out there and beat the living daylights out of him.'

"So, what are you reading?"

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

'This should soothe any hurt feelings.'

'Work the jab! Move your feet! Attack, attack, attack! ...But be careful. He's got a human shield.'

Bipartisan means when both political parties agree on something. Bipartisan agreements are now on the endangered species list.

'Did I ever break my nose? No. Three of my opponents did that for me...'

Boxer's Hair Styles.

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

'I know I can count on you... that's the problem.'

'Look out for his low punches.'

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

'Darling. Let's get the Gustavssons over this weekend for some more bare knuckle boxing.'

'Such petulance!'

'I don't think his fists can take much more of the punishment your head's inflicting on them.'

"It's not about win or lose. It's about how much money I'm going to make."

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"...and forget your damn sensitivity training."

'Let him go.' - 'No, he'll hit me again.'

Wordplay: Shock Absorber.

Shadow Punch

A boxer uses a punching bag while he has broken legs.

"You'd better cool it. Remember what he did to you last time."

'I don't understand - he's just as strong as ever.'

'You sure this is allowed?.'

"Er, no. He's out at the moment."

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

'I don't understand it. He's just as strong as ever.'