Politics Pugilist Pillows

'This should soothe any hurt feelings.'

Bipartisan means when both political parties agree on something. Bipartisan agreements are now on the endangered species list.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"So, what are you reading?"

"Let's not try to make this symbolic. Of anything."

'It appears Alzedo is toying with his opponent.'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

'Work the jab! Move your feet! Attack, attack, attack! ...But be careful. He's got a human shield.'

'Soon as your endorphins kick in, you'll feel great.'

'This is what I mean about inadequate interagency cooperation.'

Global warming.

'I know I can count on you... that's the problem.'

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

"...and forget your damn sensitivity training."

"I can't decide which one of you should get the promotion, so I'm setting up a boxing match between you two to decide."

'I don't think his fists can take much more of the punishment your head's inflicting on them.'

'Such petulance!'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

"It's not about win or lose. It's about how much money I'm going to make."

'Darling. Let's get the Gustavssons over this weekend for some more bare knuckle boxing.'

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"Our flag means debt."

'Let him go.' - 'No, he'll hit me again.'

"I can't decide which one of you should get the promotion, so I'm setting up a boxing match between you two to decide."

Wordplay: Shock Absorber.

'I don't understand - he's just as strong as ever.'

'You sure this is allowed?.'

Shadow Punch

A boxer uses a punching bag while he has broken legs.

"You'd better cool it. Remember what he did to you last time."

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

"Er, no. He's out at the moment."