Publicity Genius Gifts

Welcome to Elmville "Home of the world's biggest pothole." The mayor sure knows how to make the best of a bad situation!

'How fast can you hype?'

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"I hear you've been doing exciting things with eggs and dye."

Artist and Musician

'I have a feeling one day when he grows up he'll be an artist of some kind.'

Work colleague says 'This is great, where do you get your ideas from?' as man gets them from small elves living in the wall

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'

"But some of my best ideas come while I'm in the litter box."

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

'Harold is the brains behind the Smudge-o-Rama mailer.'

"Sales are up 38% since the name change."

Smoke and Mirrors: Harold couldn't work out why his new store wasn't getting any customers.

Home Business - Newspaper Ad.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

"I feel that what would really give your next album a major boost would be some kind of well-publicized personal problem."

A man stealing another person's ideas

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

All work and no play makes jack a dough boy.

Two words, boss: Virtual reality. We glue virtual reality goggles to our coffee mugs. Come again? When patrons sip their Himalayan mochas, they'll think they're dangling from a cliff in the Himalayan mountains. People will come from Miles around! People will throw up for miles around. We'll give patrons mops that double as virtual reality hockey sticks. This conversation is virtually over.

'I know, but he's a genius.'

'Yes, we can get all this into your ad, but we'll have to set the copy in 0.00005 point type.'

Making snowmen with a snowblower.

'The Parkinson would be good PR, but should I wear the hair shirt or the sackcloth and ashes?'

"Hey, this is brilliant! Where do you get my ideas?"

I advertised in What Cow!

"Ok, let's sneak up on Mr. Canvas and see if we can make a good impression."

'Leonardo's Lament' - 'I have nothing to do.'

An artist blows smoke that forms into a cloud which rains onto his canvas.

"Someone's been sending me J. Crew catalogues."

"Well, I thought of it as an innovative economic stimulus package, but the jury insisted on calling it securities fraud!"

'It doesn't matter if you win or lose: it's how much face time you can generate on the 6 o'clock news.'

"I've invented really shiny leather shoes."

Steve Jobs