Presentation Genius Gifts

'85.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

Blue sky thinking

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

Hanging off every word...

"Are you sure you want to present your ideas in the form of an airplane?"

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

They loved the presentation on competing in the marketplace.

Presentation skills.

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

"Using worst case scenario as a baseline, I consider this data quite encouraging."

"Enough about the forest, why don't you show us more trees?"

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."