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'I'm not interested in what the paper is about, Dr Jones, I just want you to put me on the authors' list...'

'...but our most useful publication is the 'Journal of Don't-Do-It: It's-Already-Been-Done.''

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

First Novels.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"National security adviser"

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Gay Times...

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Sue the Author 3PM