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"I'm not sure I'd call ourselves victims of print's decline, but it sure is getting harder to sell fake magazine subscriptions."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

First Novels.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

Gay Times...

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

'Sorry, Marx, but your writing ability doesn't meet our needs.'

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

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