Public Transport Comedian Gifts

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

"Excuse me, would you mind taking your portable zombie game to another carriage?"

"Madame, I am disabled! Yesterday, I lost my smartphone."

The Uber Ride of Paul Revere

Motorway notices reading: 'Fog. But if you can read this, it isn't that bad'.

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"Hey! Buddy! This is an interdimensional 4/3π way stop!"

Beep' 'beep' 'beep' 'beep'' - 'Slam!' - 'Great... another long week of pain and humiliation ahead...' - ''Click'' - 'God, Ilove my job.' - '' -

Straddling bus stop above a regular bus stop.

Things Women Never Say: 'Sorry I'm late boss. I was talking to my husband and he wouldn't stop listening.'

Honey I'm Home

Airbus

Metrocard error messages

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

65. Whenever I'm in the mood to watch the rest of the world go by, I simply keep to the legal speed limit.

Fare Evader

'I don;t see how that's going to work?'

Cops on trains: 'Is that a truncheon, or are you just pleased to see me?'

Being vertically challenged, I never realized my dream of becoming a pro basketball player. But on a trip to work, it was just like I was a hoops star! I spilled some coffee when walking. I dribble whenever my feet are in motion. I took a selfie when I stopped at the ATM - it was a nice bank shot. Then as I neared the office, I came down the lane - and made an impressive display of driving and dunking. I should be getting a big shoe sponsorship contract any day now!

Metro North Entrance: Closed because it's broken.

Listenin' in

'Trouble is, I only want to wear them for cycling to work.'

'I'll fix you! But Good!'

'I was assured that this would be a double decker bus.'

Oh, sorry, those were the unearthly screams of the eternally damned. I'll take it off speaker.

Covid-19: Mind the Gap

Huge lady lady sitting down on a crowded bus

"Cockfosters!"

The Privatization of the MTA.

Opera house to support

'Hi I'm on the train...still'

Man asleep on a bus while a child colours in his tattoos with crayons

'Road Construction Updates. While you're on hold for the next hour, press 1 if you would like to listen to New Age Music, press 2 If you would like to listen to rap, press 3 If you would like to listen to country, press 4... '

Replacement Bus Service

Next Train 45 Minutes - 'Now the government is back in charge I'll take it with a pinch of salt.'