Pub Pun Lovers Pillows

Hi...Is it horse night at the bar?'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

'Hmphh. Happy as clams, indeed. They're just all on Prozac.'

STILL LIVES - Bolt: 'It's like we were made for one another!'

'If you don't chill out, you are definitely heading for a meltdown...!'

"You keep fumblin' with that bra, Cowboy, and you're never gettin' to second base."

Imported Candy. "Chocolate Australian Bears"? Yes --- "Coca-Koalas"!

Love is Blind.

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

Magnet School. A "magnet school"? Won't that mess up the computers?

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Centaur for Disease Control Says Wear a Mask

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

Generic Store: Sign in Window

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"Yeah, that's right. I'm the sandman. Where did you think I was getting my sand all these years?"

Ale. Mead. It's been a hard knight's day!

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

"The state of graduates literacy levels is shoking and both my colleegs agrree that there maths isn't much better."

"I said freeze, punk, I didn't mean literally!"

Pinocchio Vs. Dracula

SPOONING CACTI

Fitness Camp. I'm trying to strengthen our boarders!

"It's okay. I love hopping in bags!"

"Frankly, we’re concerned about your checkered past."

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

The Mummy's Purse...

'I'm a lap cat. So, naturally I prefer a laptop.'

It says they're 120 million years old, enjoyed long walks along the tar pit, and loved nibbling on rodents together. Carbon-dating.com

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'