Pun-loving Pub-goer Pillows

"You set 'em up with one of these babies, and they're good for the night."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

'Fancy a swift half?'

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

"I didn't say I started jogging, I said blogging."

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'Did you or did you not tell me to collect EVERYBODY'S glasses?'

Weather forecast

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

'You give me goose bumps!'

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

The static electric eel is very rare.

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

Pavement artist.

'You know that's not what I meant when I asked you to take the dog out!'

'I can't come out and play because I'm in 'Time-Out.' Although here at Grandma's it's more like 'Time-Out Lite.' '

'It's as I feared: you have got a novel in you.'

"Valentine's Day has been good to me, but I had to diversify."

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

'I just had to come over...You caught my eye.'