Pun-loving Sipper Pillows

"Any advance on 'cat wazz'?

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

Do it yourself books.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

Carpool lane (a car driving into a long pool).

Wino Appreciation Group

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'And in conclusion...'

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

Onion Guillotine

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'

"I washed my kilt last night , now I can't do a fling with it!"

'I collect a different type of oil painting.'

"Waiter, there aren't any flies in my soup!"

'I wanted to go straight. . . but then I learned a law degree.'

Weather forecast

"Of course you're bored, sweetie. It's the fin de siècle."

"I said, ‘I hit on your sister!’"

The static electric eel is very rare.

'You give me goose bumps!'

'It's for my teacher. Do you have one with love spelled right?'

'No, I said put the money in the Caymen Islands.'

"Remember I promised you some fun and games in the bedroom?"

A robber halds up a hair salon with a hairdryer pointed at the customers - 'Hand over all your hair restorer or I'll blow you away!'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

'It's as I feared: you have got a novel in you.'

"Valentine's Day has been good to me, but I had to diversify."