Pub Joker Gifts

'I was once teetotal, it was the worst two hours of my life!'

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

"Hate to see you leave, Dave...especially since it was just last week that I learned you worked for me."

"That's the deep end."

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

"I'm sorry, but I assumed it was a fancy dress costume..."

You give dives a bad name. Somebody has to!

"So you used to be in a darts team?"

"Fetch and roll over weren't enough-then they sent me to philosophy classes."

'He's clever alright-just watch him dry up when it's HIS round!'

"Allow me to introduce my wife - she's been giving me the silent treatment since 1982."

"I'm not sure I can really help you. I've dealt with hundreds of rodent infestations, but I've never even heard of Beerkats!"

"Never mind about star signs what blood group are you"

"Any other strengths?"

'Don't worry...that's our mascot'

"I was at a party and got some avocado dip in my eye..."

"You can see why this is my favourite pub for darts!"

Gimme 400 rolls of duct tape.

STRIP *The Fan * Player Transfers

"A tax inspector dies and ends up in hell.... Than't's the funniest joke I've heard all night."

'Dennis, have you seen my can of Pam?'

"I'm no doctor, but it looks like the poor guy's got coronavirus."

"To be fair - he DID say he was going to rearrange your face...!"

'Our eyes met across a crowded room, and she called the cops.'

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

"Say, do you have the correct moon-phase?"

Kev's initial excitement as the club's new Sweeper suddenly dwindled.

'I see by your resume that you are my son. If this checks out, the job is yours.'

Pirate and His Peg Legs.

"Let's go have some fun."

How To Saint . . .

Guy over there wants to know if he can buy you a chaser.

Actually, it's not the tequila talking, it's the beer. It's a cute little ventriloquism act they worked up together. ? ?