Bar Scene Jokers Gifts

"I think I know where Blitzen went."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

"She said don't forget the straw."

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

Virtual Lap Dancing

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

People talking through a stethoscope.

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

All I'm sayin is let he who has not driven naked and stoned cast the first stone...

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

"I should give myself up... I'm a bad habit!"

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

'I'm having what he's having.'

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'

'Are you trying to be funny?'