Bar Scene Jokers Mugs

"I think I know where Blitzen went."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What other tricks does he need?"

"Drinking improves my vodkabulary."

"So who ordered the 'Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum on a dead mans chest'?"

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

Mo's USA Bar: Tips/Tariffs

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'Of all the fern bars in Encino, she's gotta walk into mine.'

"She said don't forget the straw."

"I'm supposed to meet a minister and a priest here..."

Virtual Lap Dancing

If a motorist came bursting through the doors...would he be up for damages?

'I'd like to get in touch with my feminine side, Joe -- bring me a Bloody Mary.'

"Would you please sip your drink and not swill it!"

"No thanks, just the peanuts."

"I couldn't help overhearing what you ladies said about all the chlorine in the toilet water, and I could not agree more."

'I'd like a brandy please...'

'That's right. Ploughman's lunch; Egg, beans and sausage. It's what he orders every time he comes in here.'

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"On my right is Mr. Darius, who'll fill you in on our corporate counterculture."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

'I'm having what he's having.'

All I'm sayin is let he who has not driven naked and stoned cast the first stone...

"I should give myself up... I'm a bad habit!"

People talking through a stethoscope.

"Wow, that's amazing! I've only been to this bar once before. I'm surprised you remembered my round!"

"In an effort to conserve water... I've stopped having it in my whisky."

'Two pints of blonde please.'

"If your boyfriend is so special, why is his name tattooed on the back of your neck where you can't see it?"

"As this is our first date, perhaps I should tell you that I participate in several frequent liar programmes."

Why don't we wait until we know each other better before I tell you how I got the name 'Humpty'.

'Someone must have called him yellow again.'