Protocol Critic Gifts

It makes me MAD when people think we've nothing better to do than churn out pointless protocols...

'Shame...for a nurse she has the right experience, she's obviously caring and committed, but she was let down by her understanding of door handle sanitisation management protocols.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

'I said, how do you like my new communication tool?'

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

"This computer program is very intuitive. It automatically calls me when you do something stupid."

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"I owe you an apology. When you bought that muzzle, I was mad because I assumed you bought it for your dog."

"Mrs. Stiltz asked Jean to ask Genie to ask..."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

'We're looking for new, original thinkers...people who can think 'outside the box'...'

Skills and experience held back by bureaucracy and protocols.

'You can't come into the clean room looking like that.'

"This circle of hell is for those who always hit Reply to All."

'I am becoming a jerk. Get a memo to all departments.'

'Mr Slickovitz will now brief you on corporate creole!'

If the world is getting smaller, how come the postal rates keep going up?

"He's been told he has to cut down on using meaningless 'management speak'...which is causing him a lot of problems...as it's the only language he knows!"

Support SABA - the society for the abolition of acronyms...

"I told mom I won't answer her calls in case a scammer got her number."

The Great Communicator.

'Attention all employees. This is all.'

'Mr. Clark will text you now.'

Modern methods of reading over someone's shoulder.

Cellphone Mania.

'Let a computer answer it.'

"And let me be perfectly clear when I say teleprompters are a godsend!"

"This isn't a sales call? Aren't all calls, in the final analysis, sales calls?"