Protocol Pundit Gifts

Skills and experience held back by bureaucracy and protocols.

'That should help employees remember the safety rules!'

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

"It's part of the new patient feedback protocol."

In Case of Emergency Break Glass.

"We want to give staff the opportunity to use their own discretion in decision making, and this is how we want them to do it!"

Hate Platforms

Quality Control

"You may have been the victim of a mis-sold PFI contract."

"Basically, your new job here at the Treasury Department implementing the bailout is simple, Grayson, just grab and armful of money and run..."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"The inhabitants of Pluto today declared Earth not a planet..."

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

'I'm afraid the cuts are beginning to bite!'

'I'm part of the decision-making process... I'm the 'No' part.'

"Our government is proud announce a whopping 1% GDP growth at the small cost of climate change nearly wiping our indigenous tribes out."

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

'Very well, I'll introduce you. Ego, meet ID. Now get back to work.'

Early Attempt at Quantitative Easing.

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

Trump Will Protect Obama's Legacy

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

Vote: Have your photo ID ready!

'Make a patriotic decision. Do you want your son to live in a public health insurance tyranny or do you want to let him die as a free American who doesn't have the money to pay for medical treatment?'

Words that can result in employee litigation box.

"The Nominees"

"I liked it better when it was 'don't ask, don't tell the New York Times'."

All-Purpose Obamatoon

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

Invade/Fail/Deny

Johnson allows the Delta variant to run wild in Britain

Presidential surveillance ass!"