Prosthetics Fan Gifts

In hindsight, a hook hand was stupidly impractical.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

The Reaper's Arms

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Surgery Instructions.

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

"If you keep perfectly still, I can do all five cavities at once."

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

Easter bunny Island.

"How do you feel about turning over?"

2050 A. D: Cloning is quite common place.

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

Therapy for the cow dependent

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

"How much longer are you going to be?"

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I've got a good idea! Let's take everything out and start from scratch.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

"Try taking baby steps."

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

"The big difference between Halloween and Day of the Dead...is we look at the afterlife as a reason to celebrate...not to scare anyone."

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

Top four least favorite summer camps of 2008.

You're a sham, Al. In truth, I'm a mere shadow of my former sham, doctor. I was hoping you might help me get back to my old fake self.

'Botox...' - pumpkin faces