Prophet Gifts

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"You go ahead, I've got a better idea."

The End is Near/Just the Beginning

',,,,,and make it snappy'

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.

Stop worrying, the end is near anyway!

'It's the way I see it.'

It's just going to continue and continue.

"The end of the world is nigh."

"And now let us pray for middlemen everywhere."

"Do I have time to run to the store?"

A self-filling prophecy.

"You mean all this time everything was really a screw?"

"He never was one for long shots."

The World Ends In 30 Days...21 Business Days

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"'The world is ending soon'....when do do you need it?"

'You're new at this, aren't you?'

The End is Nigh.

The end is near

'Yup, that sign has been in my family going on five generations.'

'But will you still respect me in the morning?'

Love is the Answer - For a Practical Demonstration Call...

Sidewalk Prophet

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Moses on the web

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'