Portfolio Prophet Gifts

'Buy on the dips, Dip!'

"Instead of asking the meaning of life, most people now want to know how to make a living from investments."

Phrenology bust with sections for different currencies.

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

'We manufacture micro computing circuits. We're looking to hire someone who can anticipate the next small thing.'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

Smiling businessman with rising profits

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"Remember that optimistic, slightly crazy, throw a dart at the wall forecast? We beat it."

"Oh, I can't complain"

'This is why we can't have nice things... '

"I really don't care what yours says. My weather app says rain for 40 days and 40 nights. I think you should probably go with that, Noah."

'Hi, I'm the ghost of your past, present and future stock portfolio!'

'Now think, Harris, what did you do different on that day?'

'I think you'll find these projections somewhat exaggerated, but in a good way.'

Perhaps we could get the Saatchis to pain a pretty picture.

'Before we found you, we were just squeaking by.'

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Love your feng shui!"

'Here's the improved margins you said you wanted to see this year, Tom.'

Investor alternates between hating and loving gold, depending on the stock market's performance.

"Graphs are like EKGs, they show the health of a company."

The Speculators

"...and right here in Q2 is where the 'you know what' hit the fan. . ."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

"These printers can be pretty self-righteous when they present their bills."

'Ask me about my portfolio.'

'Are you looking for something in light blue, or dark blue, chips?'

"Our accountancy firm says that there are a number of ways to interpret the figures... which one do you prefer?"

"The short term solution is money and the long term solution more money."

'My father carried this sign before me, as did his father before him.'

"I can't decide which I'd rather do- make a twenty-billion-dollar bid of turn down a twenty-billion-dollar bid."

Before becoming the legend that he is today, Nostradamus first enjoyed a pretty good living at the tracks.