Property Pun Lovers Pillows

'I'm thinking of flipping this house.'

"I call your attention to leaky sewer pipe, another nice feature!"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

House hunting is cruel.

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

'If straw and sticks don't appeal, I do have something in brick that might interest you.'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

"For sale £470,000 house included"

CHEZ MOI - formerly CHEZ NOUS

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Real Estate Life

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

'Like I said - this property is only a stone's throw from the ocean!'