Property Pun Aficionado Pillows

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"I'd like something smaller – something with fewer walls to defend."

'With so many children, I can't afford to live in a choo anymore.'

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

"Of course I have a little weekend shell in the country..."

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

House hunting is cruel.

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

"No conifering, please."

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

Real Estate Life

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

Real Estate Crispy Flakes: Location/Location/ Location

'I use that to check for combovers.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'Like I said - this property is only a stone's throw from the ocean!'