Property Puns Lover Pillows

"And you thought I couldn't find Hudson River views in your price range."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Mouse real estate!

An exaggeration of estate agents

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'Is the fire included?'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

"For sale £470,000 house included"

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

"I've just been gazumped!"

'Like I said - this property is only a stone's throw from the ocean!'

'For sale: Igloo w/attached 2 snowmobile garage.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

Valentines for Real Estate

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

"We're thinking about getting a little pied-a-terre in hell."

Second homing pigeon

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

Snail Estate Agents

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

'Here's a nice one, 'The Oaks', but where are the oaks?'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.