Property Puns Lover Pillows

"And you thought I couldn't find Hudson River views in your price range."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Mouse real estate!

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

An exaggeration of estate agents

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'Is the fire included?'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"For sale £470,000 house included"

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

"The current owners removed a number of walls and used soft, neutral tones to create a very spacious, open concept."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

'A new concept. The inside out house.'

"I've just been gazumped!"

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'Like I said - this property is only a stone's throw from the ocean!'

'For sale: Igloo w/attached 2 snowmobile garage.'

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

Valentines for Real Estate

'When you described it as a remote house in the country...'

"We're thinking about getting a little pied-a-terre in hell."

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

'Here's a nice one, 'The Oaks', but where are the oaks?'

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

"It's fine - you know, it's a moon."

Second homing pigeon

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

'It's okay, there's a six-figure carpeting allowance.'