Property Pessimist Gifts

'Hardly worth blowing down.'

Ceiling collapse 'Don't worry, that's just settlement.'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'Honey, it's the escrow people. They want to know if you could send a stool sample.'

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

'Gee! You must have lost some on this property!'

The glass is half full. - '' - 'The glass is half empty' - '' - 'Gah!! No clean glasses!!' - '' -

House hunting is cruel.

"I told you we should have sold last winter."

'I think you'll all rest easy knowing this is a gated community!'

Tom's last day.

The End is Near art gallery opening.

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Road construction used to bother me. But compared to all the craziness going on in the world, I'll take this any day."

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

Lent is a real drag this year. - 'Why? What did you give up?' - 'Hope.' - 'I gave up chocolate. Guess what?1' - 'What?' - 'I've made my ideal weight! Yay!'

Half Empty/Half Full/I'm Still On Vacation!!!

'Thank God I don't live in a Jimmy Choo!'

"It's a bit of a fixer-upper."

'My expedition confirmed what we already suspected: Two-thirds of the Earth's surface is covered by water, and the rest by real estate!'

'Well sir, out 'idyllic country cottage' may be a bit extreme, but you have to admit its got potential.'

"When you pay the rent for your one-room studio, you mustn't think about what you can get for that amount back in Iowa."

Real Estate Life

Affordable housing

Real Estate Crispy Flakes: Location/Location/ Location

'Look, they're slowing down.'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'We finally got a response to our House For Sale sign. The wind blew it down.'

"Those days of being able to sell any old c**p have long gone!"

'I came up here because the meaning of life is location, location, location.'

'Turned out nice again.'