Projector Perfectionist Gifts

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

The Computer Bore

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

Homo Gamus

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

Hanging off every word...

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

D.I.Y

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

Three work boxes: 'IN...LIMBO...OUT': 'I think I've found your bottleneck.'

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

"May I recommend our Seared Filet with Lobster Cream Sauce? It's very photogenic."

Presentation Skills: 1. Be Prepared.

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

'And in conclusion, perhaps a change of business model is in order.'

'I wish you would update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'