Picture Perfectionist Gifts

'Damn. The dark is leaking out of the dark room again.'

Sign on photographic business: Back in a flash.

'This is the worst red-light district I've ever been in!'

Social lens of the photojournalist

"They say to always add contrasting elements to your pictures to make them more interesting. Let's see if I can get some attractive people to stand next to you."

"Dang it, my eyes were closed - take another one!"

Lance, is that a picture of you before a lifetime of excess? No, it's a picture of me after an hour of Photoshop.

Photographers

'Would you mind taking our picture'

Yousuf Karsh.

'...something that will make my wife look slim and twenty years younger...'

'Sometimes I wish I hadn't bought you that stupid camera for Christmas!'

'More pictures of your kid? What, still trying to find its good side?'

Grown-ups: a photography exhibit

The Computer Bore

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

Yoga for Alcoholics

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

Bullseye!

Homo Gamus

"Could you keep still?"

"We need to create more hashtag-worthy moments."

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Quick, press control Z!'

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

Making it look easy.

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

'This Power Point slide has a dynamic layout comparing reading scores throughout the district, which you would have seen if I remembered to bring a spare projection bulb.

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

"Well, no wonder you can't think! There's your brain over there on the floor!"

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Sleeping on the Job