Photo Perfectionist Gifts

'I hope you don't mind, but I used the computer to remove all those age spots and that hideous mole you have.'

"Is everything OK? You haven't photographed your food."

"I figure we can blue-screen the kids in later."

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

'The first rule of selfies is exposure should never exceed attractiveness.'

'A lifetime of Christmases. . . and not one picture of the house when it had its hair combed.'

'This camera is so fast that you don't even have to press the shutter release.'

"It's better digitally enhanced."

Woman is surrounding by penguins and can't reach her camera

"The doctor says I'm taking too many selfies."

"Please tell me you can airbrush this out later in Photoshop."

The Computer Bore

Homo Gamus

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

'Quick, press control Z!'

Painter removes 'wet paint' sign from park bench and replaces it with a 'dry paint' sign.

"Respect the park's Natural beauty. No Instagram filters."

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

'Our expenses have decreased 20 per cent since we started refilling our own ink jet cartridges.'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

"I think she marked yours in blue pen because she used up all her red on mine."

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

"In this series, the artist is in dialogue with her printer."

"This painting will make you so famous that you won't be able to walk down the street without being recognised."

Sleeping on the Job

"Well, no wonder you can't think! There's your brain over there on the floor!"

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

'I made hundreds of copies to give to all the students in my school. By the way, the color printer is out of ink.'

'It's a nice font but before deciding we'd really like to see your font library.'

Using a social media app to date

Social lens of the photojournalist

Nancy had written more pages, but Andrew had stacked his more neatly.

"You didn't iron the crease in my pants!! I'm gonna look ridiculous!!"

"He hasn't the heart to discharge her. She's been with him for years."