Project Planning Pro Gifts

"Yes Sir, we'll schedule everything meticulously: your project will be delivered on time and on budget..."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'Which 'win' is ours? Because the one on the left looks bigger.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

"I need to see your budget proposal."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

"Hmmm ... that's interesting. Now, what about ideas that don't suck - do you have any of those?"

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

"Fantastic presentation! All of the investors loved it."

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

"I don't believe I've missed a single sign since you made the switch to Power Point."

A resourceful girl, Cynthia hoped to get credit in both Earth Sciences and Culinary Arts with her ozone layer cake.

God's Subcontractors

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

"One of the most compelling graphic presentations I've ever seen!"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

'Maybe the reason we don't have those 'off the chart' sales anymore is because our charts are too big.'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

'I see you're still trying to get the staff enthused over the weekly meetings.' (Meeting offers free coffee, free snacks, eye-popping charts, exciting videos and free idea pads).

Breakthrough

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It's perfect, but can we see it in white?'