Project Planning Gifts

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

Breakthrough

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

Super Homeworld

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"This project was a mismanaged rush job and woefully underfunded, but we did finish it on time and under budget."

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

"Oh, no. I brought my dinner plans by mistake."

"But don't bother making up a schedule for all those projects. I've got all the time in the world now."

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"Looks like we found the issue."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Forget five-year plans. Let's just figure out how to make it to lunch."

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'Ok, I'm in a paperwork mood. Let 'er rip.'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"We only got six days of funding."

Colour Version: Living by the Clock

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

'Yes, I do have some ideas for the wedding! We could fly in on jet packs, say our vows on a bridge over a piranha pool with you in a white bikini, hold the reception in a casino and honeymoon in a secret underground bunker!'

"For heaven's sake, Ogden, it's vacation time! Must you make your little lists even on vacation time?"

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.