Project Planning Guru Gifts

'Why do it the easy way when you can do it the right way?'

"We're a day late and four hundred million dollars short."

The Department of Really Stupid Ideas: 'Most people think they just appear out of thin air! But the truth is, there's a great deal of very hard work involved!'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

"Three weeks until the pitch, LOADS of time!"

"I thought you were making a coffee table?"

God's Subcontractors

"Remember now, anything is DIY-abe if you just do it yourself."

Breakthrough

"You pulled most of the muscles in your back lifting your to-do list? You've got a bigger problem than pulled muscles."

Waiting for retirement.

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

Five Ideas For Success: Always finish what you. . .

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

"As the new head coach, my first move will be to blow up the entire roster."

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"Let's face it, this meeting isn't about tightening our work schedule. It's about stretching our deadline."

'The project isn't that important, so put some of your worst people on it.'

'Uh oh. I can see another few hundred will be added to your bid.'

"I'd love to sit down and discuss my project with you some time. Let me check my calendar and I'll get back to you."

'...and if you guys keep screwing up, I'm gonna have to start kicking some butt!'

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"Whether we refer to them as lakes or ponds, it's mere semantics."

'Good - we're finally all on the same rampage.'

The Best Laid Plans

Summertime... When you go zero to 'booked up' in 3.5 seconds

'Regarding our deadline - have we moved to long-range planning or still stuck in short-term excuses?'

"Let's do exactly what these pundits in the halftime report said we should do. If we lose, we'll blame them!"

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

'Dad, perhaps the fan should suck instead of blow?'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'Do you think we can blame it on El Nino?'