Profit Priest Pillows

"You must be here for my seminar, 'The Cathedral of Profit'."

"Staff support"

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Night-time halo

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

Ghostwriting the Bible

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'