Profit Priest T-Shirts

"You must be here for my seminar, 'The Cathedral of Profit'."

"Staff support"

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Night-time halo

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

Ghostwriting the Bible

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'