Profit Priest Gifts

"You must be here for my seminar, 'The Cathedral of Profit'."

"Staff support"

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

Priest's 'To do' list.

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Night-time halo

Ghostwriting the Bible

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'I don't remember predetermining THAT!'