Priest Pillows

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

R.C.I.A.

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

Blessed are the brief.

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

'Bless me father for I have sinned. I use trans fats in all of my pie crusts.'

"I write mostly confessional non-fiction."

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"I love the blockbusters of the summer confession season."

'You certainly got our attention, pastor.'

"Are we there yet?"

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

'-and now a prayer for the roof fund...'

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Martin Luther

"And who is going to be the Godfather?"

"Bless me, Father, for I am out of compliance...."

God's map of the universe

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Mr Bagley, I'm afraid there's rather more to being a bishop than having your own hat.'

'The Lord works in mysterious ways, and rarely keeps receipts.'

"Pray only for peace, love, strength and forgiveness. Never, ever spam the Lord."

'Morning, Guys! Did someone say, 'Rise and shine'?

'So ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for anyone prepared to pay ?48.50 including VAT.'

'No kidding? -- a black belt in humility?'

'It's one way to boost the numbers.'

'What is this, some kind of joke?'

"Nice sermon. Not too preachy."

'I suppose technically you're right. But we still prefer not to think of it as a gated community.'

"I see the radiator's Baroque again."

A surprise in heaven