Profit Preacher Pillows

'Of course, for me, Christmas has a deeply felt religious significance! The stock exchange is my church...!

'Please remember that these figures could be off as much as two dollars.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Black or white, Vicar?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Night-time halo

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Thou Shalt Not!

Dogma

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"The new revenue stream is finally kicking in."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'It wasn't actually written by God. The Lord used holy ghost writers.'

'Now this is my kind of green!'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

The ecumenical dinner party.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"We missed you at church Sunday."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"